From "let's eat grandpa!"

Our friend, and author of let's eat grandpa!, wrote a blot post about love and chose to interview us!  We were honored to be asked and excited to be able to share what we've learned about love through the adoption process.  Here's what she wrote:

[CULTIVATE] LOVE: Meet the Feasters — they are living love out!

Each month, I am interviewing a person (or people) who represent the Fruit I am cultivating. While I am blessed to know an overwhelming number of loving people, the first people who came to my mind were Matt and Traci Feaster and their family. Matt and Traci have three beautiful daughters, McKenna, Ainsley, and Jocelyn. They did something reminds me of God so much my heart leaps just thinking about it — they adopted a son, Misgana (they also call him Ty) from Ethiopia. Just like God adopts us into his family, the Feasters adopted Ty into their family with open arms and hearts overflowing with love. (Dang, every time I think about their story I start crying — it’s just so beautiful!)

I asked them a handful of questions, and I was overwhelmed by the depth and thoughtfulness of their answers. I won’t post everything here because it’s quite long. But here are some of my favorite things they said about their adoption process, and what lead them to this life-changing story that has touched (not just touched…flat-out slammed into!) the hearts of so many people in our community, and truly shows what it’s like to love someone as God has called us to love.

How did you feel God’s call on your hearts to adopt? Did you question the call at first?

Traci: God’s call to adopt came to me as intense heartache and steady flow of tears on January 22, 2010, following the earthquake in Haiti. God literally broke my heart for the orphans in this world. Thoughts of adoption were all consuming, never ceasing, and irrepressible. I knew exactly what He was calling us to do. It was clearer than anything God has ever revealed to me.

Matt: I was not on board at first. I was happy with our 3 kids and did not want to add. So, I selfishly just tried to “ride out” Traci’s emotional wave until it crashed onto the beach and went away. That didn’t work. I could see her pain and the burden that was on her heart by me not being in tune with what God was calling her to. So, I gave in and decided to pray about it. Well, you know what happens when you pray about something that God has already willed for you? You get on board…in a hurry!

What has been your biggest joy since you brought Ty home?

Traci: One of our greatest joys since bringing Misgana home has to be watching him thrive in our home, seeing how far he has come physically and developmentally. When we were in Ethiopia at the end of May 2011 to bring him home, we were sure that he was going to have special needs, which is something we were not expecting. However, after having him home for nearly 10 months, he has gone from not being able to hold his head up to running and communicating with an extensive vocabulary. Another one of our greatest joys has been to watch God move in such tangible ways and having our faith grow exponentially as a result of this process. Finally, one of the greatest joys for us since bringing Misgana home has been seeing the impact he has on others and how much his being in our family has opened the hearts of our family, friends, and acquaintances to the idea of adoption, transracial families, and the plight of the orphan in third world countries. I love that when our daughters play “house,” they have biological children and adopted children.
I guess there’s one more thing. We have been incredibly blessed to be accepted by our local black community. We heard stories about this not being the case for other transracial families. However, we have had nothing but the most positive response from the black community and this brings me great joy.

Matt: Ever since Traci and I decided to marry years and years ago, I wanted a son. Baseball, football, basketball, you name it…I was ready to do it with my son. But, with our three girls in place and me being “done” with increasing our family size, I thought that day would not come. And I was at peace with that. I love my girls fiercely and wouldn’t trade them for 1000 sons. But, I tell you what, I truly believe that God gave Misgana – my only son – to me as a reward for being faithful to His call to adopt. We could have chosen the gender of our child through our adoption process. But, we decided not to. We decided to trust that God already had a child chosen for us from the beginning of time. So, we trusted and prayed and said that we’d happily accept whatever God had for us. And lo and behold…He gave me my son. After all these years. What a blessing. I’m so thankful.
[I will mention here that I also asked about their biggest difficulty -- but neither of them gave an answer! The love and joy is apparently overwhelming. :) ]

How have your girls responded to Ty? What do they love about him the most?

Traci: Our daughters could not love their brother more. They dote on him, teach him, and lovingly smother him. They are proud to introduce him as their brother. They, without hesitation, share their parents attention and time and have never questioned our needing to give him “extra” attention when needed. I think that most of all they love that he is “ours,” forever.

Matt: Simply put – those little girls ADORE that little boy. EVERY SINGLE THING about him. They love him with all of their hearts and there is nothing they would not do for him.

How have people around you reacted? All positive? Or have there been some criticisms?

Traci: We have had incredible support throughout this entire process. There was some initial concern about whether or not it was appropriate to raise funds for an adoption, and there have been some questions about why we chose to adopt outside of the U.S., but other than that, there really hasn’t been much in the way of criticism at all. This isn’t always the case for adoptive families, unfortunately, but it has been for us and we are so blessed by this.

Matt: It’s been overwhelmingly positive all the way around. We’re humbled and blessed to have had our family, friends, and even complete strangers rally around our family, and give until it hurt. People are amazingly generous with their time, talents, and treasures when they know that God is in something.

Anything else you’d like to add? [This is my favorite part of the interview! Overwhelmed by love!]

Traci: I know a lot of people worry about whether or not they could love an adopted child as much as they could a biological child, and I am here to tell you that YOU CAN because love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. We choose to love our spouse even when it is hard, we choose to love our biological children when we are at the end of our rope, we choose to love our adopted child even when it doesn’t seem natural. Because Misgana came to us as an infant, it was easy for us to love him. He was tiny and helpless and beautiful and he needed us. It might be much more difficult with an older child who is scared and unsure and resistant and pushes you away time and time again. However, you choose love. Every day if you have to. And, eventually, the feelings will come. We can never fully understand God’s love for us this side of heaven, but I think adoption is as close as you can get to an example of God’s love for us. He CHOSE us. He ADOPTED us. Even when we resist him and push him away, He chooses to love us unconditionally.
There’s also another side of our adoption equation that exemplifies more love than I can ever imagine. Misgana has a birth mother. Her choosing to love her son meant wanting more for him than she could provide, choosing life for him even when it came at such a huge sacrifice for her, surrendering him.

Matt: Years ago when I was young, stupid, arrogant, and thought I knew it all – I thought that I could never love “someone else’s kid” as much as I love “my own REAL kids.” Well, let me tell you what – there is NOTHING more real than the fact that Misgana is my REAL son. He is my son. Period. Nothing is forced, nothing is unnatural. I love him every bit as much as any of the girls. Nothing can change that.
Traci and I have talked many times about the intensely “intentional” nature of adoption. It’s all so intentional. From turning in the application, doing multiple fundraiser events, parenting classes, fingerprinting, social worker visits, paperwork, paperwork, and did I mention paperwork? Blogging, facebooking, raising awareness, answering questions ad nauseam from everyone who wants to know about the process, praying, longing, traveling to Ethiopia TWICE in less than 90 days. It’s all so intentional. And because of that, it’s so beautiful to see God’s plan executed small step by small step until that beautiful little baby is finally in his “forever family” and sleeping in his crib at the end of your bed. What a blessing. God is so good.