Daddy's Turn...

So, now that we finally have a name and a face to this whole crazy ride...I guess it's finally time that Daddy writes a blog about this whole thing.  So many emotions.  So much love.  So much excitement.  Where should I even begin? 

To anyone who happens to read this, it's likely to be ALL over the place.  Very raw, very honest.  Try to stay with me.  I'm not usually this scatterbrained...but today's news has me just a BIT out of sorts!   Today we were blessed with our referral for a 2 month old baby boy.  OUR 2 month old baby boy!  We are going to have a BOY!

How can I put into words what I'm feeling tonight, my SON?  Your face brings me near tears each time I look at your pictures.  I think about holding you, kissing your perfect little cheeks.  You do not look anything like me on the outside, but inside we are exactly the same, both fearfully and wonderfully created in God's image.  He planted you into my heart from before time began.  He knew this day would come.   The day that you would become MY SON.  How AMAZING!  He must be so pleased watching this all unfold.  A baby with a new family, a family with a new baby.  What a perfect match!  We're just right for one another!  YOU ARE MY SON AND I AM YOUR DADDY! 

Son, I can't lie to you.  You coming to live with us was NOT my idea.  I was done with having more kids.  You see, I love your three sisters more than life itself.  They mean the WORLD to me.  But I didn't need any more kids.  I felt that my family was complete.  Thankfully, your Mommy, and our God, had other ideas.  Watching her heart break for orphans around the world as she cried kneeling next to our bed...that really hit me hard.  I knew that I had to do something...but I was just not ready for another kid.  So, I did what I always do when I hit my own "logic wall"...I prayed.  (Hopefully, someday, I'll figure out that is a STARTING place, not a last resort!) I asked God to either put the fire out in your mommy, or to light that same fire in me.  We just had to find common ground on this thing or it was going to eat us alive from the inside.  Funny thing happened, son.  Within a few short weeks we were putting in our application with our agency to bring you home.  God knew I'd come around.  All I had to do was ask Him to show me the way.  He waited for me, and then moved powerfully and quickly when I finally gave it over to Him.  Amazing how that works, yeah?

Several weeks after putting in our application, Mommy asked me a hypothetical question.  She asked me what I would say if she decided that she didn't want to do this any longer.  I told her that she was out of luck.  I was willing to do whatever it took to bring you home to us...and I meant that.  Son...I wouldn't trade you for ANYTHING.  YOU have taken your rightful place alongside your sisters in my heart.  4 perfect angels with Daddy wrapped around their little fingers.  You are the answer to Mommy's and my prayers.  And YOU will fill the EMPTY CHAIR at our kitchen table!  YOU, little boy...YOU!  Tears of joy fill my eyes as I write this.

Oh son, we have so much to do.  There are so many things I want to teach you.  And so many things for me to learn from you.  I wonder what things you'll like to do?  I only have a couple non-negotiables:  Faith in Christ and a deep and passionate love for Dallas Cowboys football.  :)  Beyond that, the world is your oyster, kiddo!  I can't wait to spend time with you, watch you grow, and see you blend in with your sisters in our family.  You have NO idea how much love is waiting for you here, boy.  It's gonna be incredible.  I think you'll love us as much as we love you.  At least, I hope so.  There will be challenges, too.  Adoption can sometimes bring painful questions and feelings to our hearts and minds.  I'm here to help you with that.  Being a multi-racial family might toss a couple of bumps in the road, too.  I won't know your walk, son.  I can teach you to be a man...but I can't teach you to be a Black man.  That is something you'll have to feel out on your own and maybe with some help from other men who look more like you do.  But just know this...I will be there with you EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY step of the way, loving you, supporting you, and making sure that you know that I will do WHATEVER it takes to help you become whatever it is you want to be.  Just like I'm doing with your sisters.  You are a part of this family, and because of that, you have my undying love and loyalty.  There is NOTHING I won't do for you, son.  NOTHING.

Little man...today is a day I will NEVER forget.  The day that your perfect little face was finally revealed to me.  It's funny, this whole process is just so similar to watching your sisters being born.  I'm sorry that I missed out on seeing your first breaths on this earth...but to be honest son, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.  It's different...but equally sweet. 

Son, today is one of the single greatest days of my life.  I can count them on one hand - my wedding day, the days that KG, Dirt, and Little Bit were born, and the day that I saw your face for the first time.  You sure turned a regular old Monday into something incredible.  THANK YOU, little boy.  You have NO idea how much you mean to your Daddy.  I don't know if I've even fully grasped it yet.

OK, that's enough for now.  Know that I'm thinking about you always and praying for you constantly.  Every minute that passes with you on the other side of the earth is one less minute I have to wait to hold you in my arms.  A great day is coming, my son.  A great day is coming.  For now, may God bless you and keep you, look upon you with favor, and give you His peace.  We'll be there soon...

I love you always,
Your Daddy