Trip 1 - Day 4 - Meeting Mattias

After leaving the Mesala, it only took a few minutes to reach the care center, and the sight of this sign:

And it was with rubbery legs that we walked through this gate:
  

(These are some of our new friends!  Hope you don't mind guys!)

To enter into this:

And then we had to slip on these shoes:

So that we could go in to see this: 

Our son's bed.



Except OUR SON was sleeping in it so it was so much better!! 

When we first entered the care center, we were all standing in what I believe was the playroom.  There was a coffee ceremony set up, a small playhouse with a slide in one corner, some interlocking, colorful foam mats on the floor, some toys around the perimeter, etc., but none of this seemed to matter to any of us because we knew our kids were very close by. 

I think most of us had heard the horror stories about how the nannies will try to see if you recognize your children, even though it may have been months since you've seen a photo of them.  I guess they love to watch us Americans squirm a bit!  They told us that it was nap time and that we could see the kids in their beds, and then they called us forward, family by family, by our child's name.  I think our son's name was called first...or maybe second...I don't know...it's all kind of a blur.  Anyway, they called our son's name and we stepped forward and were led into a small room that had three wooden beds connected together with three sleeping babies.  We recognized OUR SON immediately.  Who could not recognize those eyes...even if they're closed!!  He was closest to the window, sound asleep, on his back, with his arms up by his head.  Be still my heart.  (sigh)

He was wearing pink cotton pants (the girls still get a kick out of this), socks, and a long-sleeve grey onesie with maroon sleeves, blue ribbing around the neck, and a two inch blue cuff at the end of the sleeves.  The shirt had a football, basketball, and baseball on it and it said "all star" (how did they know?).  The shirt was left open at the bottom, as well as the short-sleeve onesie he was wearing underneath.  He was also wearing a disposable diaper, which surprised me a bit.

Seeing as how I was the first to hold our daughters, I decided that Daddy could be the first to hold OUR SON (maybe I didn't have a choice in the matter, but I like to think I did).  With the nanny's okay, Daddy scooped him up into his arms with tearful eyes and the sweet smile that he gets every time he has held his children for the first time.  It was as if our son had just come out of the womb and was placed into his arms.  I can't tell you how similar it was to the delivery room scenes from years past.  It was an incredible sight. 

It was strange to have to ask for permission to move about with OUR SON, and I don't know that they were expecting us to, but we kind of felt like we needed to, out of respect if nothing else.  We took OUR SON out into the common room to show him off and spend some time with him.  The room had filled with our newest friends and their beautiful children and it was amazing. 

I don't remember exactly at what point I held MY SON for the first time, but I do remember how sweet it was.  He smelled incredible.  His skin was so soft on my lips.  He was so light in my arms.  It was absolutely perfect.  Even in a room full of people who were just strangers a few days before, lots of commotion, kids fussing, a completely foreign surrounding - it seemed like we were the only three people on earth. 

We tried desperately to wake him up (which will probably be the last time we try to do that!).  We knew that our time was very limited, and we wanted to make the most of it.  He is a VERY sound sleeper (this will bode well for him at our house)!  It probably took a good 15 minutes to wake him up, but he never made a peep.  He slowly and sleepily opened his eyes.  He was not startled.  He was not scared.  It was as if he had woken up in our arms a million times.  He was a little groggy at first, of course, but then Daddy got him smiling and he never stopped (except when he saw the red light on the camera).  I was dying to see his feet, so I pulled off his socks almost immediately, and captured these precious piggies:

And then we just sat and stared at him.  We told him about a thousand times how much we loved him and how we were his mommy and daddy and that we would be coming back soon to take him home.  We told him about his sisters at home who couldn't wait to meet him.  We did everything we could to make him smile over and over again.  We showed him the photobook we made him with pictures of his family (he could care less).  We put him on the floor to see what he could do.  We tried to savor every passing moment. 

We talked with the resident nurse who assured us that he was incredibly healthy, but we already knew that just by looking at him.  His skin was FLAWLESS.  No blemishes, no scratches, no discolorations.  FLAWLESS.  His hair has beautiful, soft, short curls.  He was SO clean and smelled SO good.  His fingernails were trimmed and there wasn't even any fuzz between his toes.  He was obviously very well taken care of and very loved.

He will be six months old on March 29th.  He is still on the small side and right about 12 pounds.  He is not able to sit up on his own yet, but he holds his head up really well when he's on his belly or being held.  He probably has less muscle tone than he would if he were being raised in a home rather than a care center, but that's to be expected.  He is obviously very healthy and is thriving and we could not be more pleased.  I'm sure once we get him home he will catch up in no time.  We are not worried even a little bit.

We took him for a little walk around the care center and to get a few more pics of his room.  The care center has about 30 infants and 13 toddlers right now.  The place was immaculate!!  There were a couple nannies in each room, giving babies bottles, talking to the babies, loving the babies.  I was very pleased to see that the babies were all held when they were being fed - no bottle propping.  The babies were all very clean and the beds were nice and tidy.  The nurse walked around with us for a bit and new every baby by name and their history.  Every nanny we passed would call our son by his name, or his nickname (priceless), and get a smile out of him.  The place was unbelievable.

The view out of the window in our son's room.

Our son's nanny had prepared a bottle for him and allowed me to give it to him.  It was a little difficult because I was trying to do it while we were walking around, but I feel so fortunate that I was able to experience this with him.  None of our daughters took a bottle...EVER...so this whole bottle thing is a very new experience for us.  When my arms became weak from trying to carry him and give him a bottle at the same time, I was able to pass him off to Daddy to finish and that was such a wonderful thing.  It is going to offer them a way to bond that he and our daughters never had.

Then we took a little walk outside, hoping to get some great pictures, which we did - especially of the three of us (sorry to tease).  Everything was kept so clean and tidy.  It was fresh and beautiful and a great place for my son to spend his first few months.

Once we came back inside, it was obvious that baby boy was getting sleepy, so I sat in a rocker with him and rocked him every so slightly.  He rubbed his eyes and it wasn't five minutes before he was out like a light.  In the meantime, Daddy made sure to get plenty of pictures of the care center, since we wouldn't be back there. 

We still can't share his pictures online, which is really unfortunate because we got some REALLY good ones, but we can show you these sneak peeks:

 Here are some of the notes I made later that night:

• Never cried.
• Skin is flawless.
• Gorgeous dark brown belly.
• His eyes really are as big as they seem.
• Did not prefer one over the other, but Daddy could make him smile more.
• He is very healthy, and still pretty small.
• He chews on his tongue.
• Nickname: *****
• Beautiful short, soft curls.
• He's a spitter.
• Gave bottle.
• Fell asleep in my arms.
• All nannies are wonderful.
• Two other babies in same room.
• All babies were gorgeous! Very healthy.  Very loved.
• They are held when fed.

After just two short hours with our son, our driver popped his head into the room and said it was time to go.  Ugh.  The moment we were all dreading.  You could feel the sadness in the room and everyone was so hesitant to get up.  We reluctantly walked to our son's room, kissed him over and over again, and laid him back in bed just as we had found him.  I had been sleeping with a lovey for months, hoping that I could leave something with my scent on it when we left him.  It was light blue, velvety, and had a little bear head.  I tucked it in by his neck and draped it across his arm and chest.  We put his photobook in the corner of his bed, placed one more kiss on his head, and tearfully backed out of his room. 

I can't think of anything in my life that has been more emotionally difficult than that moment.  I am instantly brought to tears when I think about it.  Can you imagine giving birth to your child and then leaving them...not knowing if or when you will see them again???  He may not have grown in my belly, but he had grown in my heart for the past 12 months and it was all I could do to walk away from him, and I know that Daddy felt the same way.  The nannies in the room could sense it, because they too had tears in their eyes. 

The only thing that made it even slightly tolerable was knowing how loved he was by the nannies in that care center.  It was something that we will never forget.  So much so that we are pretty sure at this point that we are not going to change his first name.