Trip 1 - Day 6 - Meeting Enat

The meeting with Ty's enat (Amharic for mother) is something that we will never forget and the details of which are private and sacred.  I have chosen to share that visit by way of a letter from me to her.

To our dearest Enat:

I thought about our meeting with you many, many times before the day it arrived. I lost sleep over it. I dreamed about it. I tried to figure out ahead of time what questions I was going to ask you. I wondered if you would be there. I wondered if you would cry. I wondered if I would cry. I wondered if God would use it as an opportunity to assure any doubts that I had.

I wonder if you saw me in the waiting room while we were waiting to see the judge. Did you know that it was me? Did you have a good first impression? Did seeing me make you feel better about your decision? Or maybe it made you feel worse?

I was quite nervous as we were waiting to meet you. We had some questions written down, things we were sure we wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure if I would be strong enough to make it through. Were you nervous too?

When they called our name, told us it was our turn, my knees started to shake – even more so when we had to climb all those stairs. We sat in the room and waited. The room seemed huge with nothing but the five chairs in it. I think we were both sweating a bit. How were you feeling? Were you scared that you wouldn’t like us? That you would not want us to raise your son?

You walked in with the two translators and my heart calmed a bit as soon as I saw you. You were so beautiful. I could tell that you wore your very best clothes, and maybe you wore your favorite color for good luck. I wanted so badly to see your eyes, to feel your emotions, but you kept them down the whole time. But don’t worry, Love, I understand. I wanted to run to you and hold you the moment I saw you, but I was afraid that it would scare you, that it wasn’t culturally acceptable, and that I might not ever be able to let go.

I hope you like the framed picture we gave you of our son. Watching you raise it and kiss his face was something I will never forget. I was wishing that I had bought a smaller frame so that I could put a picture of him smiling in it. He has such an amazing smile. His big eyes get even bigger and his tongue sticks out. Oh, that tongue of his!

I hope that the photo album is something you will add to with the pictures we send you of our son as he grows and matures into a handsome, educated, God-fearing man. I hope you will be able to tell by those pictures that he is happy and loved and well taken care of so that you know that you made the right decision for him.

Thank you so much for being honest with us and answering our questions even though I know they must have been tough. I promise that we will guard this information and keep it close to our hearts.

We feel so blessed to be able to tell our son some things about his Enat. I love that we learned about your favorite color and what you like to do in your spare time and your favorite food and about the day he was born – this is priceless information to us.

Looking back, I wish that we showed you the video of our son and the video of Daddy making injera when we first sat down because the way it made you smile and even laugh a little was amazing. I am so glad that that smile carried over to the pictures that we took and will cherish forever.

The picture that was taken of you and I will be framed and hung on the wall in our home for the rest of my days, right next to the poem about the two moms that I shared with you on the inside of the photo album. I can still feel your arm around my waist and your kiss on the palm of my hand. I will always remember how you fit under my arm just like our oldest daughter.

Unfortunately, I will also always remember the sadness in your eyes. I will always remember the sacrifice you made. I will always remember to tell our son that you love him and that you wanted him, but that you loved him enough to give him to us so that he can live. I will always worry about you. I will always pray for you, and our daughters already do. I will always make sure that you are honored the way you should be in our home.

I was a lot less emotional during our meeting than I thought I would be. I think if you had shed a tear, I would have fallen apart. You’re a lot tougher than I am.

It was really hard to say goodbye to you when we knew that our time was done. I really could have held you forever. I hope that you could feel my love. You will forever be a part of our family.

It was a little awkward when we then had to go back down the stairs and into the other room to take a picture, but I was honestly just glad to spend more time with you. Not being able to understand each other made things a little tricky, but we figured it out. And, you probably thought it was a little strange when I stood by you and the other birth family members outside when all was said and done, but I just wanted to be near you. As you left the grounds, Daddy and I stood by the window and waved madly as you left, but I don’t think you saw us.

I can honestly say that it was harder to leave you (or watch you leave) than it was to leave our son. He is in such a good place and so loved and has plenty to eat and formula to drink. Eventually, he’s going to come home to us and will lead as good of a life as he can lead, God willing. But what’s going to happen to you? Where do you go from here? Will you always have somewhere to live? Do you have enough food to eat? Clean water to drink? What if you get sick? Can you go to the doctor? Will you be able to go to school? Will you be able to work and support yourself? Who will hold you when you are sad? Who will assure you that you made the right decision?

I have thought about you every single day since we left you, multiple times each day. I probably think about you more than I think about our son. I need to know that you are okay and will continue to be from here on out. If I could, I would bring you home too and love on you forever.

Our middle daughter, with her six year old wisdom, asked me the other day who her brother’s birth mother would be once he came to live with us. I explained to her that YOU would ALWAYS be his birth mother. That no one could ever take your place. That while her brother grew in my heart, he grew in your belly, and that no one else could ever do that - just like I told you when we were together.

Thank you for trusting us with your son. Thank you for having the courage to make the most selfless decision anyone could ever make. Thank you for keeping him covered in prayer. Thank you for choosing life for him.

Eternally grateful,
Mommy